i'm naked inside my fear

October 01, 2003 | 4:08 pm
i'm not even sure i like diet dr. pepper. i just drink it.

see, i got tired of diet coke when i was still in high school. so these past two and a half years i've looked for diet alternatives. diet barqs, diet arizona tea, diet dr. pepper. i've mixed crystal light in pitchers and made tons of unsweetened iced tea. i drink plenty of water.

yet every day i crack open a diet dr. pepper and drink every last drop. sometimes i even open a second.

i've spent a lot of time learning to like what's readily available to me and not reaching out and looking for things i actually enjoy.

and i don't just mean diet sodas.

i chose a school that was close to my home so i would have paid tuition and a city i was familiar with. i choose electives in areas i am knowledgable in not to expand my mind, but to improve my GPA. i chose friends that work at the same bar as i do because it's easier than chasing down my other friends and making time to keep in touch.

and just now, in my third year of school and second year of working in a bar am i realizing that these "easier" choices are hurting me. instead of growing i am stunted because of the invisible boundries of my hometown. the familiar is not comfortable anymore, it's confinement.

so i'm leaving. maybe in the summer, but surely in the fall. i'm leaving and i'm going to a school on the coast; whether it be the gulf or the east or the west coast i'm going.

there's only one thing i really want to take - tequila. i just hope i can get into an apartment that allows cats.

before | after