i'm naked inside my fear

March 14, 2003 | 1:59 am
he's very inseccure about us. he's not sure about a single thing. i don't know what to tell him. i don't know what to think.

so i said he could have the key to this diary. i told him i'd let him see it. after all, i did let brian have the link.

i mostly wanted brian to understand me. i wanted him to know of my disorder and realize at the same time that it doesn't always consume me. not that i'm laura the depressedbipolarpossiblyalcoholicbumimic. more so that i'm laura and there are terrible things that are inside of me that are a part of my life but do not necessarily make me who i am.

but jake. he needs to see how i am to him. surely i've done things he's been upset about. surely i've let him down in one way or another. i'll be the first to admit i have not been perfect to him.

i just wish he'd see how much of me is real. this is real, i am real, my feelings are real. i want to be part of everything that he is and share everything that's inside of me.

he needs to know, after all, how wonderful of a person he is. he needs to know how happy he makes me.

so he'll be visiting this site, soon. when he gets enough time away from me, if that happens, ever.

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