i'm naked inside my fear

March 20, 2003 | 12:53 pm
it's springtime tomorrow and everything around me is dying.

my new fish died. i feel like the very event of finding the fish floating in the tank is a foreshadowing of my life. the two red bellied pacus died and five of the feeder fish were stuck to the tank filter.

and carrie yoder was linked to the serial killer. so far five women in louisiana have been linked by DNA. the police are not sure how many other women have been murdered by this sick man, but there are as many as 27 unsolved murders of women in the baton rouge area in the past ten years that he could have been responsible for.

this used to be such a beautiful, safe place. it still looks like it from the outside, but we all know. don't be alone. don't grocery shop by yourself; don't come home late at night by yourself. don't exercise outside and definatly lock your door the second you step inside.

we all live in fear.

and now iraq. like none of us saw this coming... but that doesn't make it any easier. i know atleast five friends that have been shipped over.

i'm only 19. i'm too young to lose a childhood friend to a war. we were all so young during operation desert storm. none of us did anything to deserve it.

we're fighting someone else's war. we're fighting a war we know nothing about.

and you know what i heard on the radio this morning? after they announced the iraqi attack, before mentioning our soldiers, they said there were not confirmed reports of any oil wells being set on fire.

and i broke into tears.

so yeah, it's spring. i have a birthday soon. it's time to turn over a new leaf... things are growing green and it's sunny and 78 outside.

i could lay out and get a tan.

but too many things are dying for me to be happy.

before | after