i'm naked inside my fear

March 12, 2003 | 1:53 pm
Things with Jake have been up and down lately. I know part of it is the new chemicals in his blood, but more and more i'm finding out how depressed he really is.

he went through some major stuff about a year ago and i don't think he's ever really addressed it in his head.

on top of that, he's not self-confident about anything from his looks to his abilities (physical or academic). i'm scared that the more i point out the wonderful things in him, the more he'll think i'm making them up just to make him feel better.

which is not the case, whatsoever.

regardless, he's having a hard time, so i'm doubling up on helping him. the past two days i've done research for his paper with him and written half of his notecards. i've given him tips on research. i've been at the library with him every minute. i've helped him with his source cards and i've even gone so far as to write his thesis statement for him.

and the thing is, he's grateful. i know he is. he wonders if his "thank yous" aren't enough, but they are. i know he appreciates every minute i spend with him. i know he appreciates all of the things i do for him.

i just want him to know he could have done all of this on his own. he's not so strong in english, and for whatever reason that's always been a gift for me. if he hadn't put this off for so long, i'd prefer to just teach him how to do these things without actually doing them for him.

not that i mind. it's so very easy for me. i just want him to know that he is so very capable of doing these things on his own.

because he is, you know. it's not that i'm the only one who sees these things in him. i'm just the only one he believes.

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