2002-07-17 | 10:18 p.m.
Me? at work? or someone else?

Fuck it, I could care a lot less anyway. Everyone will know soon enough.

That is, if they don't. Atleast I am recovering, and have been for some time now.

This is how it goes.

Lose some weight, 10 lbs, then 20, and then count down as you lose 30, and hit a low point after you've lost about 40... Your body eats all of its muscle and getting out of bed is difficult.

Then it snaps - get better or else...

so you gain, slowly at first, then more steadily... it's scary, and it flip flops for a while, but you're eventually close to being back up to your set point, your healthy weight limit, and your body freaks out. The muscle you've lost is not regained, and metabolism? what metabolism? your body hangs on to everything it can, ready for starvation again.

The weight is frightening, although normal, and there are two choices for the diseased - purge/starve: continue the ED and lose all of the recovery time and start over, or the more common one - excessive exercise. Wake up at 4am on school days and slowly but surely build that body to the fitness level it once knew.

This lasts only so long - the work outs are hard and the day is short. The muscles hurt and injuries occur. You can only keep it up for so much longer, and one day you fail. You excuse yourself to the bathroom after almost every meal, you don't eat in public places, you dread dinner dates, but you know you've got to get on a healthy track to recover...

So you set a goal. So many days without purge and normal exercise - so many days and you'll be better, and you'll be happy, and things will be okay...

Today Michael Hare mentioned something about how weird girls are about food and I took that as my cue to leave.

So, CAE, meet me - the Laura I won't talk about, the Laura you'll be scared of, the one you'll tiptoe around...

I'm okay, I'll be okay, and, if you catch me at the right time, I might talk about it. I'd rather you know the truth than make up your own stories.

Laura

"Would a written invitation

signed, 'Choose now or lose it all,'

sedate your hesitation?

Or inflame and make you stall? "

before | after

miss me?

make a difference - July 12, 2007
in short - February 20, 2007
gameday - October 14, 2006
quickie - October 02, 2006
roxie bear - July 06, 2006