i'm naked inside my fear

July 16, 2002 | 8:30 p.m.
Oh, my.

I worked until 5 and then went to the library for community service until 8:00.

What has been up with me lately? Every day functioning and happiness is getting harder. And why? I have plenty things to be happy about.

James, I miss you and love you so so much.

I haven't purged in one day.

Today I think I did good - I ate a normal amount and exercised a normal amount and didn't grt too upset over nothing and haven't shed a tear yet. My overall feeling at 8:00 was of happiness - finally getting to go home and relax.

Except I knew I couldn't go home, to my empty apartment and be alone, so I came here. As much as I hate it here, and the memories my room carry, when I can't stand to be alone, time and again this is where I come.

I think my mom is going to go to the grocery store with me - she thinks I don't eat. I have been, though, and I've been doing really well. Fuck everyone.

The boy at the library is Matthew and he's really nice and he asked if I ever wanted to get together sometime for coffee or something.

I don't want to, though. It's not him, it's me... honestly. And it's not that I wouldn't like his company or I wouldn't want to go out with anyone...

The boy I want to go out with doesn't know I exist. Well, he does, when he gets fuckin bored.

I hate feeling used...

Laura

"I've had enough of the world and its people's mindless games"

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