i'm naked inside my fear

September 10, 2002 | 10:35 p.m.
Dana Adkins is a fucking SLUT.

And if it was up to me, she would lead a life as janitorial staff at a womens high-security prison. No, maybe in the cafeteria line. Or, I got it - she can just rotate from cafeteria line to laundry to cleaning toilets.

Are you there, God?

So the FBI called my mom today because they have a lead on a guy that we know. This is a scary thing.

I'm moving in with Jenny this weekend. Probably Sunday. So those of you who have still not visited casa de laura diane, it's now or never. My feelings won't be hurt if it's never.

tomorrow is tim's anniversary. i was thinking about actually going to his grave, although i need to find out where it is. I haven't ever been able to bring myself to going.

if you're a psych buff (like me) you know that in the stages of grief, before acceptance comes denial. Sometimes the brain can be so overloaded that months, sometimes years even, can pass before it will begin to comprehend that something has happened. it's a survival mode - the brain just sort of shuts down to that stimulus so that it can continue to function.

In a similar way I dealt (or, didn't deal) with Tim's suicide. It took more than two years after the suicides of James and Andrya for my body to recover PHYSICALLY, and by junior year in highschool I was so busy with the life I finally got back to (ie. I was captain of cheerleading and co-cap of soccer and in choir and cross-country and track and all that other good for me stuff) buuuttt.. at that point in time, i didn't WANT to deal with it, and I didn't think I could, so after the funeral I did my best to pretend none of it ever happened. (This was a lot easier since Tim didn't go to Lee High very few people from LHS knew him, so I didn't have to deal with talk of Tim on a very regular basis.)

tommy fucking matherne, I still hate your sorry ass for talking about it like it was fucking hot news to all those people in front of me at school that day. Three years and you are NOT forgiven you little piece of shit.

little anger there.

I just ate dinner at Jenny's and my stomach hurts. I could have not eaten dinner and been better off than I am now.

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