i'm naked inside my fear

July 21, 2002 | 9:40 p.m.
Last night I got very angry and took it out on the one person who I can honestly say didn't deserve any of my aggression.

I'm sorry, Brian.

I don't think he'll ever know how sorry I am because I don't think I'll ever tell him. I truly am sorry though.

I finished my community service at the library today and was almost sad to leave Becky (the woman I met who is also doing community service) -- for the past sixteen hours I've spent there we've talked about everything from races to boys to school and life and everything else.

Last night after mentioned fight I was stubborn enough to walk all the way home, and Brian was kind enough to escort me - and point being, after he left, I wanted so badly the feeling of dizziness that exists right after a purge - that pure and empty and lightheadedness that come with it... surreal. Sick, isn't it? But I hadn't eaten, and I wasn't going to eat at that time (around 3am) just to lose it because I was upset about what happened. Really I wanted Brian to stay, and he said he didn't think he should, and for me to get a good night's sleep. I really did enjoy my sleep, though, and I know I wouldn't have been able to sleep until 1:30pm had he stayed.

This is a good and bad thing.

What got me was the "I need to take a little break from it" comment about why he didn't want to come back last night.. break from what?? you're moving in a week and a half for a break for the rest of your fucking life.

I go through these phases that last for about 35 seconds.. these love/hate things.

Andy C. is the new addition to the few friends of mine who have this site address. Hey, Andy :)

I've got to go home and play with Tequila and do some homework. She never wants me to do homework, though... she'll just plop right down on my school books and I can't resist that purring furball :) what a cutie. I'll try and get around to posting a picture of her soon.

What else can I say? Don't drink everclear. It'll get you every time.

I met the sweetest boy this weekend, and when I told my friend to get the hook up, she said, "well, when you get rid of that BOY you have, you let me know, and I'll let him know"

Damnit, I can't win.

Laura

before | after