i'm naked inside my fear

December 07, 2003 | 5:49 pm
as i slept in a bed next to gabe (yes, gabe) i dreamt about dustin.

which is weird. i haven't had a dream about him in a very long time.

in my dream his mother had given me a key to the house (he had his baby, but still lived at home and wasn't married) and i would go by there every so often and fix myself lunch and wait to see him.

he never came. right before i woke up his step-father found me in the house and seemed frightened by it. his mother talked to me outside and i cried about how he wouldn't even talk to me and i needed him to be part of my life so bad.

sort of how i feel about jake, who, for some reason, won't return my calls.

i don't know what i ever did to HIM. i care about him, and i love him, but why does he have to avoid me at all costs just to get over me?

it doesn't make it any easier for anyone. and it's been four months. i would think he could at least call me and tell me hello and he's still alive.

but i woke up next to gabe. it was odd. i could have sworn i would wake up next to my blonde high school boyfriend.

i haven't seen dustin's face in almost two years.

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