i'm naked inside my fear

November 06, 2004 | 11:34 pm
it's like he cares or something, which i don't understand.
he challenges my thoughts. like i'm a female and i shouldn't think.
and when we talk, and it's just us, he doesn't challenge my thoughts. he's happy that he's with a girl who thinks about things.
EXAMPLE #1: there was an old man at this restaurant bar tonight. he was a conservative veteran republican. we talked about social security, ect, and other things. i mentioned that i ended up in pensacola by will, but that i was very happy to be leaving soon and that i didn't like the town (being my age) at all.
ryan told me that i shouldn't be speaking poorly of pensacola (twice, i must mention) but he couldn't even look this man in the eye while he was talking to him. when i asked ryan later why he wouldn't look at him, he said it was because he was "drunk." hmm... he's worried about a man i can't "insult" but he can't look him in the eye... am i wrong, but isn't that INSULTING ENOUGH???
so the night goes on. the older man leaves, and we talk, and things are okay. some guy across the bar says something about how i'm a democrat and i'm against military personal. i tell him i'm not anti miltary, but i'm anti-war. he says he is too, and that most military are against the war as well. i'm pleased to hear this, and i tell him many of my friends in iraq are not for the war effort.
so this guy says he's from mississippi, and i'm like, "so you can read?" and it's a joke, but all people know in the south that only 25% on mississippi adults are literate. so the guy's like, "yeah" and i tell him the stat. so then i say, "well, so if you can read, your three sisters can't" and he laughs, and says, "well, i only have one sister" so i tell him, "well, that takes out your mom and dad" and he's kind of smiling, and his friends are giggling.
well, at this point, he tells one of his friends (a new person) "hey, she's making fun of me because i'm from mississippi" so i tell his friend "yeah i am!" and i'm just kidding.
so ryan's first to get on me about being "mean" to these people... when THEY know i'm fucking around.
why does he have to get on me about joking with people #1) he doesn't know #2)they know i'm joking and #3) if i wanted to be CRUEL (which i WOULDN'T) i wouldn't see these people EVER again!!!
PLUS, as I was leaving, the guy at the bar affectionly said "bye babe!" like i was his new friend or something.
so i don't get it, so we get into an argument.
so he's here, and i told him he could sleep on the couch or go home to BR.
you know, i would sleep on the couch, but i don't feel like i did anything wrong, and my bed is so comfortable i think it's a gift.
why not give it to me? i've slept on the couch at HIS house before.

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