i'm naked inside my fear

September 13, 2002 | 12:54 am
so i'm doing this thing for school and i was supposed to write all these things about myself.. but i told my prof. i didn't think that was good for me, and she said i could pick another female (it's for womens gender studies) and write about. then i asked her if the female was feline, would that be okay, and she said, "(sigh) yes."

so who am i writing it about? you bet. tequila.

it's supposed to be a listing thing. so here is what I have come up with.

1. The obvious - she loves me.

2.I'm not positive, but I'm pretty sure she thinks I'm a feline also.

3. she chews on the plastic tips of pushpins - breaks them into little pieces

4. and then she gets all flustered when i try to clean them off of the floor (as to not jab my feet)

5. she likes water -- she's even learned how to turn on the faucet in the kitchen sink so that she can stick her little feline head underneath it.

6. she likes to sit on the toilet seat -- she's even fallen in... twice.

7. she doesn't like boys, but she seems very fond of jimmy, andy, and luke.. and sometimes brian (when he's nice)

8. she's convinced that when I come home, it's to play with/pet/love on her.

9. she goes absolutly retarded when i let her play with her cat-nip mouse.

10. I had to put it up and only give it to her on special occasions.

11. She thinks she gets phone calls - if the phone rings, she bolts to it (that's usually how I can find it)

12. And if anyone leaves a message, she sits on top of the machine while it records.

13. She likes lettuce, watermelon, but more than anything, steamed vegetables.

14. But she wouldn't TOUCH the fish I cooked (or, failed at cooking) last week.

15. No doubt about it, she absolutly loves me.

16. She doesn't care much for rap or pop genres, but she goes wild when I put in Aphrodite or other jungle beats.

17. She often thinks she wants to go outside -- she'll bolt out the door when I'm unsuspecting, take a hurried look around, and then run back inside like I'm going to shut her out (maybe she just doesn't want to get serial killed)

18. She weighs 5lbs 3oz.

19. She insists on sitting on my lap when I eat. This way, if I'm eating something she wants to eat, she can stare and sniff all she wants.

20. She watches me brush my teeth - each and every time.

21. She does NOT like to be pet on the stomach.

22. She hears me put the key in the bottom lock and she runs to the window sill to say "hello"

23. She makes a "quick stop at the apartment" turn into a thirty-minute "play-with-Tequila-party"

24. If I go to sleep before she does she wakes me up to keep petting her. SHE likes to go to sleep FIRST.

25. She likes eating my ponytail holders so much that if there isn't a loose one, she'll attack my hair until I take it out and give it to her.

26. If I lay on my back, she lays on my stomach. If I'm laying on my stomach, she'll curl up on my back. If I'm on my side, she'll pace all over me and adjust herself until she's comfortably right on top of me. If I'm standing up and not holding onto/touching her, she gets PISSED.

27. Until I pick her up.

28. Or, she'll just crawl up my leg.

29. When I'm on my computer, she wants to be on my lap.

30. If I let her up, she chases my hands while I type.

31. And she walks all over the keyboard.

32. And she chases moving objects on the computer screen (including the cursor)

33. And then she gets all upset because the computer screen is hard and flat.

34. And she loves me with all her heart.

35. When I leave, she cries like a two year old at day-care.

36. She likes to lick and then bite each and every one of my fingers while i'm petting her. This doesn't hurt, although it's very comical

37. Because when she's biting, she's purring, which is the perfect mix of good/evil (cute kitty)

38. She likes to curl up and sleep in the corner where the wall hits the door, which isn't so good when I'm trying to leave.

39. I think she knows this, and uses it against me. She's all over me the second I turn the door handle.

40. She chases my feet when I move them under the covers.

41. Size doesn't matter - she when I move the table to vacuum, she attacks the table legs.

42. The table legs are about 3x her size, and the table itself is about 15x her size.

43. She likes shoelaces

44. But she really likes leather belts.

This isn't finished, although I don't think this is what I'm actually going to turn in. I don't know, we'll see how it comes out. I've got to get it to one hundred...

good luck, laura.

night.

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