i'm naked inside my fear

October 19, 2004 | 9:57 am
i have an exam in one hour and i haven't been able to get myself to concentrate long enough to actually study.
it does't help that i'm stressed out to the max -- about school, about finances, about moving back and if i'll be able to... about life.
i have been feeling horrible, but have been completely out of touch with my feelings lately until last night. of course, the night before my midterm in this class. whatever. i still don't care. i suppose i'll care when i'm not doing well in school.
for now i have all A's.
i can't find a job because there aren't any here after the hurricane. i can't very well work cutting down trees or patching someone's roof, and that (alone fromfast food service) seems to be the only thing available. i even seriously looked at fast food (as much as it would KILL me to work in fast food service) but it wouldn't pay enough unless i worked an obscene amount of hours. i can only work about twenty with school, and after taxes, that doesn't even pay 100/week.
and i can't tell you the last time i have worked for minimum wage. i am disgusted at how low it is, still. as many of you know, this is the lowest (value) minimum wage has been in YEARS. how are people supposed to support themselves?
so i don't have anything to do here, besides school three days a week. i'd like to drive somewhere - go eat somewhere or something... but that costs money. everything that i want to do that alleviates stress costs money, except for exercise. so it's me and the treadmill.
sounds like fun, doesn't it?

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