i'm naked inside my fear

March 18, 2004 | 10:09 pm
x. my father thinks i am: he doesn't know me. he probably thinks i'm perfect.

x. my mother thinks i am: crazy and inconsistant in my lifestyle choices. i don't disagree.

x. my best friends think i am: happy all of the time - always the one to party. that's part of what gets me -- even they don't understand.

x. your three best qualities: compassion, understanding others, and my realism

x. three worst qualities: my emotional temperament, procrastinator, my ed

x. three things you are often complimented for: my eyes, my smile, my hair

x. a compliment you got that made you blush: "you've got the most beautiful runner's legs" -- which to me, means, "you have ridiculously fat legs with some muscle on them" - blah!

x. makes you happy: a good book, a long shower, the worn out feeling i get after a good run, being with ryan, spending time with the girls

x. upsets you: not being able to achieve the high standards i set for myself

Y e s O r N o. . .

x. you keep a diary: yes

x. you like to cook: yes

x. you have a secret you have not shared with anyone: yes

x. you fold your underwear: no

x. you talk in your sleep: only when i'm very sick or very depressed

x. you set your watch a few minutes ahead: yes

x. you believe in love: i think i might be starting to.

L a s t . . .

x. movie you rented: seabiscuit

x. movie you bought: american wedding -- terrible choice

x. song you listened to: incubus - the warmth

x. song that was stuck in your head: "don't worry be happy and smile" - from that new cheesy chingy song!

x. song you've downloaded: it's been a while...

x. CD you bought: that has also been a while...

x. CD you listened to: a mix of alternative favorites - when i was on the bike

x. person you've called:my boyfriend ryan

x. person that's called you: same

x. person you were thinking of: me

x. TV show you've watched: part of chicago, but i haven't seen the whole thing

D o . . .

x. you wish you could live somewhere else: yes! and i will in a matter of months! i got my acceptance form monday. more on that later.

x. you think about suicide: in the past. now i'm just too lethargic to think of such a thing.

x. others find you attractive: people have their opinions of me.

x. you want more piercings: i've done it all and taken it all out. so, no.

x. you want more tattoos: if i could decide on one thing for a period of time longer than six months, i might get one. since i cannot, i haven't.

x. you drink: red wine, imported beer (amstel light and XX amber are my favorites), Crown, Glenlivit, pretty much anything that's decent

x. you do drugs: that's also in the past

x. you smoke: wouldn't if i was paid to

x. you like cleaning: when it's not my room. i like to clean other people's rooms :)

x. you like roller coasters: love them.

x. you write in cursive or print: i think a little of both, like a mix.

x. you carry a donor card: yup

x. you have a crush on somebody: ryan!

H a v e Y o u. . .

x. ever cried over a boy/girl: unfortunatly.

x. ever lied to someone: sure.

x. ever been in a fist fight: i hit a girl once; she hurt me when i was playing soccer.

x. ever been arrested: you bet. i live in louisiana! we get crazy here!

W h a t . . .

x. shampoo do you use: paul mitchel's new super skinny.

x. perfume/cologne do you use:ralph lauren glamorous

x. shoes do you wear: birkenstocks, nikes, adidas, doc martens, kenneth cole -- it really depends on where i'm going!

x. are you scared of: love, falling in love, being in love, needing someone so much it hurts. and above all, not having that person be there when you need them the most.

N u m b e r . . .

x. of times you have been in love: once? but was it love? i asked myself that question today. if i loved him, what happened? do people fall out of love? does it just END because of someone's inseccurities? how could it have been love, and a year later nothing?

. of times you have had your heart broken: several times.

x. of hearts you have broken: more than i'd like to say.

x. of guys/girls you have kissed: no girls. who KNOWS how many boys.

x. of people you've slept with: we're going to leave that one out...

x. of people you consider you're enemies: none? why would i have any enemies? there are people i avoid, but that's different.

x. of CDs that you own: used to have about 300, but my car was brokwn into and now i have about 30.

x. of times my name has appeared in the newspaper: i couldn't even say. ten, maybe? for choir and such in high school.

W i t h T h e O p p o s i t e S ex . .

x. what do you notice first: eyes

x. last person you slow danced with: i couldn't even say. gabe, maybe? have i slow danced with ryan? i don't think so...

W h o . . .

x. makes you laugh the most: ryan. or kelly.

x. makes you smile: ryan.

x. do you have a crush on: i thought we did this?

x. has a crush on you: who cares?

x. is the easiest to talk to: i don't talk to anyone. i try, but it freaks them out. weird how that happens, huh?

_____

sorry this is all, but there is something i must do.

good night to all. more tomorrow.

oh, and the beach was great.

before | after