i'm naked inside my fear

September 06, 2003 | 3:28 pm
i don't know what to think anymore.

i must be impossible to please because nothing makes me happy.

gabe doesn't make me happy. sometimes he keeps me occupied. sometimes i'm with him and i'm so bored i just get my things and leave. every so often he'll say something so fucking dumb i just want to slap his head to see what's in there.

i'm being harsh. he's a great guy.

it's just that sometimes i'll start to open up to him and i'll catch him staring at the ceiling or wall and i'll change the subject or stop and it takes him a literal five minutes to notice. i still can't figure out if he's playing dumb or if he really is.

and my roommate. i think i set an example by cleaning things up. i pick up her dog's 15 bones and put them in a pile. i pick up my couch cushins and put them in place. i throw away her trash and i take the trash out to the bin right outside of our complex. when she leaves trash outside the door i bring it 10 yards to the bin. it's not that hard, i'm trying to show her, to be considerate of the other person you live with.

and by now i'm sick of cleaning the vacuum filter and washing the dishes and taking out the trash and buying and using draino for the clogged drain in the shower because you know what?

just because she can shower in 3 inches of standing water doesn't mean i should have to. and just because i take care of it the first 30 times doesn't mean that's my job. and just because i'll take our bills to pay them cash doesn't mean i'll do it every time.

maybe i'm just aggrivated. but those little things really do add up, you know?

and i miss jake so much....

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