i'm naked inside my fear

June 09, 2003 | 2:15 am
i just feel like i've been working so much lately.

and when i'm not working, i'm winding down from work. and when i'm not doing that, i'm trying to sleep.

but sometimes it's not so easy to sleep.

don't get me wrong, tomorrow morning when i have to wake up at 10am it will be so very easy to sleep. but i need it to be easy to sleep now, damnit!

it's not that late. it's not. but knowing that i worked 40 hours behind a bar last week and knowing that i didn't ever get to sleep in really hurts. knowing that i get to do it again next week doesn't help much either.

but my bank account will feel it. i made almost a thousand dollars last week alone. it's easy to complain but i know i get paid for how hard i work.

people think it's an easy job. in some senses, it is. bartending can be so much fun if you've got a good crowd and a nice buzz going. but you've always got to have those assholes that complain. the orange juice isn't just right, can i remake the screwdriver? it's 2:05am, can you still serve me? i want you to close out my tab but i want you to split it four ways among these credit cards. and after i bug the shit out of you all fucking night, i'm going to hit on you.

because that's just how it is. girl bartenders get hit on. a whole lot, that is.

and when i tell them i'm involved with someone, they don't listen. "oh, all girls say that" -- maybe all girls tell YOU that you sloppy fucking drunk. but i have a boyfriend and i don't need to pull pictures out to prove it to you.

yeah, so i can't sleep. and i'm not excited about another week of work.

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