i'm naked inside my fear

May 02, 2003 | 1:57 am
i feel like i have no emotions.

is this what it feels like to be normal? i hope not.

school is almost out and i can't even psyc myself up to study one last little bit so i can actually pass. i don't even fucking care.

things with jake are good - he makes me happy. when he's here, that is. sometimes when he's not.. but i don't talk to him a whole lot because we're both so busy with work and school and life.

i'm not lonely because i don't want anyone to be around. i'm not sad, am i?

all i know is that i have no money to pay the bills i have right now. and i can't be on the fucking schedule for a night that's good to make any fucking money. tonight i made $25! behind the fucking bar! after three hours i realized i would have to work another three hours to even come close to doubling it, so i left. i counted on tonight and sunday to make the rent i was supposed to pay today.

and i don't care. i don't care about rent or bills or work or school. i care about jake, but he's a breathing soul that stands by my side. it would be impossible not to care about him.

but it's not impossible not to care about myself.

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