i'm naked inside my fear

December 29, 2002 | 2:42 pm
we got into an argument last night. mostly my fault, it was; i was drunk and high and all sorts of other terrible things.

i don't know much of what i told him, but i told him to leave me alone, to go on with his life because i couldn't be a part of it-- not the way he wants me to be, i just can't.

and then i hung up with him. i was home, i came inside, and maybe... 30 minutes passed? i was changing clothes to go to sleep and he called, and then he knocked.

he woke up at 5am and came over to patch up whatever was going on with me. not that it had anything to do with him, but surely i was taking it out on him. in reality i was only telling it to him like it is -- that i won't be with him but i want to so badly.

he rubbed my back and played with my hair until i went to sleep. then he left, locking my door on the way out. i woke up this morning expecting to see him and i couldn't help but be slightly disappointed when he wasn't.

so now it's 2:46pm and i don't know what i'm going to do with myself, or this boy.

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