i'm naked inside my fear

October 19, 2002 | 2:28 pm
i'm exhausted.

i thought i'd be able to sleep this weekend, but even though i didn't go to sleep until 4:30am, i still woke up at 12. i realize that's enough sleep for a normal person, but i've been going on two and three hours a night for about two weeks now.

one night i got eight hours and it felt like heaven.

yesterday i woke up at 6:45am and didn't get to sleep until around 4:30am. come on now, that's not good. that's garbage.

so i woke up because i had to go to the bank and make a deposit, and jen tells me to take her truck. why? but i did. i fucking love driving it.

i get back and she has washed my car.

"i know you've been busy lately and i really wanted to help out" -- what a great fucking girl. see, i don't need a boyfriend. i've got a spectacular roommate :)

and britney spears. i've been listening to britney spears all morning while i've been cleaning.

but i've been helping jen clean her room. i'll get to mine.. tomorrow. she's staying in new orleans tonight.

andy and i are going to dinner at the melting pot tonight.

i talked to mike last night. i don't know how to rid myself of these boys without avoiding them. i could be mature and tell them i'm not interested, but i don't think i've ever ACTED interested... doesn't mike get it? i think scott is finally noticing that i'm not really returning his calls.

the thing is, i don't have energy for a boyfriend, and i don't have time at ALL.. and the time i do have i'd like to spend with my friends. if i met someone that i thought was really special, i might go for it.

of course, when i actually do go for it, i get burnt.

but, whatever.

i gotta get off my butt. i have so much stuff to do and i don't want to do ANY of it!!

laura

p.s. last night i talked to these three guys all night (they were all in their mid 20's but they seemed like a really cool bunch) and just acted a fool (because.. I am a fool) and REALLY felt comfortable with them... and all was well until they were going to leave, and one of them asked if he could take me out sometime. and then i said no. and then i was upset. (flattered, but upset...) what ever happened to platonic friendships? why can't i just be the girl that hangs out with the guys like i was in highschool? more on this later :(

before | after