October 16, 2002 | 6:58 pm
we're going to trial tomorrow, and the lawyers have been busting ass. so, eager to please, i offered to get brunch around 10:30.

they said that would be great, and to pick up something from anywhere and just bring them the bill. so I went to new york bagel.

the NYB ownership is divided in four, but it's all within the family. Paulette and Bob Mayeaux own one share, Randall (their son) ownes another, Marcy (the oldest Mayeaux daughter) ownes one, and her husband ownes the last portion. The only member of the family who isn't in the ownership is Robin, the younger daughter.

Because of this I've always liked Robin. She and Kevin have three children: Michael, Emily, and another son (... can't remember his name? I'm drawing a blank now...) They were always around the shop, so I got to know them pretty well in the 18 months I worked there.

At one point, Kevin even worked with me. Aparently he had some financial problems and wasn't making enough at his job, so he was putting in extra hours at bagel. we spent those slow nights talking about everything from life to love to school and everything in between. He told me what it was like raising his children and I told him about my past.

And God, I know I told him about James and Andrya. I KNOW we talked about that. And for the life of me, I wish now I could remember his response to me. I fucking wish I could think of what he said about it.

One evening after work he mentioned some dinner that he wanted to go to (but couldn't) and I insisted on babysitting so he could go. It wasn't a chore, really.. I just played with the kids all night and watched movies and had popcorn fights. He and Robin came home right after the dinner and I went about my way.

I would have done it a million more times if he had asked me to.

So I get to NYB and Paulette tells me the news that has brought my already stressful and tiring day even lower.

Kevin was burried last week.

"this is what he wanted," she said. "He left notes." PLURAL. noteS.

Kevin killed himself.

I can't talk about my feelings about Kevin yet, but I can talk about my feelings about the situation.

it KILLS me inside to hear someone his age committed suicide. James, Andrya, Tim, they were YOUNG. They, like me when I went through that, were so young to not know that there are other things in life, that things pass, and no pain is forever. They left this world before it even happened - they took their own lives before they even started.

Adults, on the other hand, KNOW. They've lived a large chunk of their lives and still it sucks that fucking bad that suicide is what becomes their option.

And kevin. kevin was married to robin for 17 years. three beautiful kids, big family, great personality. Kevin had it all from the outside and didn't even fucking know it. He weighed out his options and although he loved his children so much he still decided this was the best thing. Kevin put hours into thinking this, left NOTES and contemplated and fucking DID it.

He fucking did it.

I've got to stop now... the lump in my throat is overbearing and i've got to get some sleep SOMETIME.

before | after

miss me?

make a difference - July 12, 2007
in short - February 20, 2007
gameday - October 14, 2006
quickie - October 02, 2006
roxie bear - July 06, 2006