i'm naked inside my fear

August 21, 2002 | 7:44 p.m.
JESUS! save me!! I'm so fucking angry and ready to leave my house but I feel like I'm stuck here!!!

As if my day wasn't irritating enough, after EG I went to LSU to print my letters and was invited to my mom's to eat dinner, so I did.

Fucking steak. Thanks for letting me fucking know. So guess what I ate? a potato and some grapes. And it's not that I'm so angry about that, it just brought back the whole Lance thing with the steak and how that night all I ate was potatoes and I got so drunk I thought I was going to be sick.

So my mom's friend John ate with us (and Jeff) and he's a fucking four year old child in a 50- year old man's body. Dexadrine was formulated for people like him, and it's so difficult to be patient with him. Instead, I managed to not make eye contact (it will keep him rambling on longer) and now he is on the MY front porch talking to some friends or neighbors or SOMETHING and I **KNOW** if I go out that way I'll be trampled and I won't ever be able to leave. I've (honestly) considered leaving from the back door, but my car is in the front yard! So there is no avoiding him.

I'm pretty much a hostage in my own fucking house. It's getting bad.

All I want to do is get to the Rec before it's too late and get that hour of running in and ease the tension that has been building up the whole day (or, my whole life) but can I? no!!!

On a lighter note, I signed up for speech 2010 as correspondence, so that will lighten my course load for the fall semester (thank GOD) - and I'll be able to start as soon as I buy my books. Jeff told me yesterday that he plans on paying for them, and I have no objection to that! Way to save me $400. Maybe I'll ask him to go book-shopping with me after I get off work tomorrow. Maybe I'll start my correspondence homework.

But maybe not. Maybe I'll wait until school starts to get behind and then stress about it when the deadline comes and end up with a B instead of an A.

Yeah, so...

Laura

"I should have changed my fucking lock/ I would have made you leave your key/ If I'd have known for just one second/ You'd be back to bother me"

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