i'm naked inside my fear

May 19, 2002 | 5:14 a.m.
tonight, tonight.

yeah, well it was obviously a long one because it's 5:14am and I am just now getting home.

I was going to go to Jamie's birthday party tonight and come in early, so I could do some community service tomorrow (today, now) morning - but then I ended up going out with them, and I was going to come home after that, but Clint called me, and I invited him to Jamie's, so he came, and we hung out there until suddenly it was 4:45 am and all I could think was.. "I'm not going to be able to be up for 6:00" sooooooooooooo

I walked drove my car to his truck (down the street, it was a big party) and just as he was getting out, he went to kiss me, and I turned my head and gave him a hug... Didn't know what else to do, you know? and it was weird after that...

So I'm heading home and my phone rang -- Clint. I freaked out for a split second thinking that he might have some sort of terrible confession that I don't want to hear, but no, he just wanted someone to talk to while he drove all the way back to the heart of prarieville. (yes, that is far far away from where we were - about a 30 min drive if you're going the speed limit to his house)

Clint. Good ole Clint. When will I just let him be? Poor guy. He's great and all, fun to talk to, really considerate guy, and super cute. So what's wrong with him?? I think maybe because he liked me first? Actually, I don't even think I could pinpoint what is wrong w/him (in my mind, atleast) so we'll never date, it'll never be anything - so it breaks my heart on times like tonight when he tried to kiss me. Any suggestions as to what I should do? I like hanging out with him, and he would be a perfect guy for me to date, but for whatever reason, I just won't.

Oh well, I mean, what CAN I do? I also saw Doug tonight (one of Jared's friends that I see at school a lot) and we talked for a long long time - then when i introduced him to Jamie, she said "oh, yeah, I think laura's talked about you before!!" which, I totally haven't, but she thought it was a good way to make him feel special (b/c I said he was a really nice guy and I guess she thought I had a thing for him) but it was verrrrry embarassing :) oh well, just laughed it off :)

nighty night!!

Laura

P.S. I talked to Dana, finally tonight, and she cried like a red headed step child. More later.

"my empire of dirt"

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