i'm naked inside my fear

November 24, 2003 | 4:14 pm
even though i felt sick and couldn't eat much yesterday, i went out and drank.

and ended up hanging out with some old friends, and that only means trouble.

i got myself into more than i could handle and i didn't turn around when i had the choice.

so i came home at 7am, mind racing, heart pounding in my chest. i couldn't sleep for an hour and all i could do was think.

i wanted to sleep forever and that ended up only being 12:00pm. i got about four hours of sleep and suddenly i was wide awake doing things again.

this is a lifestyle i cannot keep up with.

but i love it, so much. i'll try not to think of it.

so i turned in a 19-page project for my poetry class today and i feel somewhat accomplished. that and a five-page paper was due today and i got them to school by the due date (amazingly, as i feel very slow moving)

i forced myself to eat two biscuits my roommate cooked. the only way i got them down was with lots of grape jelly and water. my throat feels so dry.

i didn't think i'd ever be able to eat again.

but you know, when i do this, i reevaulate life. it's almost a progressive thing, but it kills me slowly.

and i'm not stupid enough to think it doesn't.

before | after