i'm naked inside my fear

September 23, 2003 | 3:58 pm
i know when i agreed to her moving in this became partly her house too. everything was cut in half. this was something i should have thought about long and hard before it actually happened.

because you see, i'm not ever home. i'm always at gabe's. i sleep at my house maybe one night a week and when i come to back to this place "home" all i do is get aggrivated.

i feel like this should be more of my apartment and maybe that's wrong. i get aggrivated when all i want to do is type a poem for english and she's on MY computer for an hour just looking around on the web. the computer that i bought and paid for with all of my own money. the cable modem that i purchased a year ago. and then she heats up her food and eats it sitting at MY couch in front of MY tv and talks on the phone. the phone that MY mom pays the bill for.

i know she doesn't mean to, but i feel like she's a leach to the extent that she pays half the bills but everything in this apartment belongs to me. she didn't bring a dish or a microwave or a table or anything to contribute. yet instead of watching her TV in her room, she wants to watch mine in the livingroom because it's bigger.

so do i need to bring my tv and my couch and my things all into my room just so i can enjoy them when i want to?

this is why i don't come home. it's not my apartment, it's hers.

before | after