i'm naked inside my fear

July 03, 2003 | 3:39 am
i'm still trying to catch up. i feel like i'm so behind.

it started with my credit card bill. too much. after tomorrow i will have deposited $600 in my bank from the past four days and i'll just be catching up on my bills.

not to mention i had a nail in my tire and i had to get a new one. that fucking sucked.

and rent was due and i paid all of my bills in one big lump sum. and last month i paid off my car insurance for six months, so i'm still a little behind from that.

actually my savings account is a little behind. about nine hundred dollars is what i need to deposit back into that.

so i may have caught up with my bills, but the money i've used has exceeded that. i've stolen from myself and i need to pay it back.

AND i just booked a hotel for jake and i go go to panama city beach in august. that's another $430, plus whatever i'm spending when i get there. i'll try to keep that at a minimum.

as much as i want to believe money doesn't matter, it buys things i need. that's what sucks.

and i might be paying for school. that is, if i want to be in it next semester. i still haven't decided if i should or not. i know i won't give it my best, but if i don't, i'll lose my scholarship for good. i'm on a suspension right now and i have a semester to make it up. a semester i pay for. that's a whole fucking lot of money to pay for me to skip class and fuck around until the week of finals.

so i don't know. i don't know much right now. i worked 11 hours today and i'm working again in about six hours.

and friday the 4th i'm working 16 hours.

i just hope i make some cash. some green stuff that matters more than i'd like it to. i just want to break even before the end of the month.

there's only 900 to go.

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