April 25, 2003 | 2:40 pm
it didn't end. the birthday fun, i mean. from the last entry. they came back at 7:00 and i had to call the cops again.

kyle brought a gun into my house. i got in his face and told him to hit me but he wouldn't because jake was here.

but i have three bruises on one arm and one knot on the other where he grabbed me and hit me.

the cops came and told him to go. jenny was still drunk, and she said she was driving to school. i told her i didn't want her to drive - that's what happened to my friend laura treppehdahl (losing her life just a corner away from her house) and jenny said, "shut the fuck up, you wouldn't care"

ouch. that's supposed to be my closest friend.

but jake. he really is a good guy. he was right here with me the whole way. he called into work so he could stay here a little bit longer, and then at 9:00am i started to get ready for school and he went home to sleep.

when i got out of school, around noon, i went straight to jake's bed next to him. we slept until 5:00pm and we ate with my mom, jeff, my brother josh and his girlfriend vanessa at inga's. i wanted to keep it low key and i succeeded. we had a great time. i opened gifts and we did cake and icecream at my apartment.

and i checked my email - jen sent me an apology. i guess she didn't think i would be around for her to talk to. and anyway, when i was around, jake was always with me. so i invited her to eat cake and icecream with us, and she didn't, but she sang me happy birthday. i wanted to cry, really.

i just looked around and saw some of the most important people to me in my life. and although i spent the night screaming and calling 911, close to tears, i felt okay.

my wish was for this to last forever. the people who are close to me to remain close. to not lose jen, to not lose andy, and especially to not lose jake.

jake who is always there for me.

jake and i set up my new fish tank and rented I am Sam. God knows i'd had an emotional day, but i didn't know i would cry all through the entire movie.

seriously, i started crying twenty minutes into the movie.

and i think it reminded me of highschool. i worked with the children with special needs. one of them, holt, formed a serious crush on me. i told him i would be his girlfriend and he could tell all of his friends that. i was never embarassed to talk to him at lunch or say, "hey boyfriend!" although some of my friends giggled when i did it. i was serious, though. if it made him feel good, that was the least i could do.

i miss those kids. they are all wonderful people. watching I am Sam with my memories in mind, and seeing the trouble Sam Dawson experienced, i could do nothing but cry. all of the nights/days events were all closing down and i was watching a sad movie.

i wonder if i would have cried anyway. i wonder if i would have cried if it was a funny movie, or an action film. i really don't know.

all i do know is that i needed to cry for a lot of reasons.

and jake stayed. as we were going to sleep, realizing that we were only going to go to sleep, he asked me if i was disappointed.

and jake, no, baby. i'm not disappointed whatsoever. with you in my arms, i could never be disappointed.

it ended up being a nice birthday.

and now i'm TWENTY.

before | after

miss me?

make a difference - July 12, 2007
in short - February 20, 2007
gameday - October 14, 2006
quickie - October 02, 2006
roxie bear - July 06, 2006