December 04, 2002 | 2:43 am
i spent the entire night completly miserable.

on my way home, i was pulled over going 63mph in a 35. the cop asked where i'd been, if i had been drinking, etc. -- took my license and told me i didn't have the proper identification of insurance.

and then he looks at me and says, "are you okay?"

and you know, i wasn't crying, but i couldn't even lie. i just said, "no, but it's unrelated to this. i'm sorry"

and he said, "have a good night, okay? and be careful"

so here i am, a helpless bundle of tears. i'm crying because it's all inside and it's been all night in the making trying to get out. i'm crying because i talked to jen about my depression today and begged her to understand. i'm crying because i was myself tonight - no alcohol to alter my state of being.

and i'm crying because i've fallen apart and there's no energy left in me to even explain how it happened.

if i even know, that is.

before | after

miss me?

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