i'm naked inside my fear

October 27, 2002 | 10:27 pm
something is weighing on my mind heavily. and the thing is, it's too risque even to write in this journal.

i told jenny and what a relief that was. all she could say was, "wow, what are you going to do?"

because it's not my problem, but knowing about it and not doing anything isn't an option for me. and it's a huge deal.

i don't know how to go about things smoothly but will feel as if i am hurting everyone involved by leaving this alone.

i can't study, can't eat, can't think with this going on. and it breaks my heart.

that's not such an easy thing to do.

on a somewhat lighter side, i had a.. night last night. we started off by going to carlotta and hanging out with all sorts of old friends of mine (do i know everyone in baton rouge? even the north gate people? how is it possible? or was i talking to people i didn't know? no, i'm sure i knew them all. i must just know EVERYONE..) after carlotta kyle, hunter, jen and i came back here and hung out; andy, sandy, and ellyn came by for a little bit, hayes came after he left carlotta, and sarah and taylor came over and then brandy. so needless to say, as much fun as i had, i felt like the people who were here were only connected through me; most of them had just met one another and we were all a big pot of gumbo.

not to mention that i was in NO condition to entertain people who couldn't entertain themselves.

but it all went well, and i had a good time. i finally went to sleep on the couch around 6:30am.

i was a kitten last night - black marabou trimmed tank, black side slit skirt, black fishnets, kitty ears and a tail, 5 1/2" black stillettos, and more eyeliner than should be legal in the united states.

good times, good times.

before | after