i'm naked inside my fear
the naked truth.


February 07, 2004 | 1:59 am
it seems like sometimes things happen at all of the wrong times in life.

i did my interview for NSE (the exchange that's sending me to florida for the the fall/spring 04-05) and the money was deducted from my school account to cover the application cost. i'll find out officially where i'm accepted on march 15.

i can't believe it's february 7th. i can't believe it's this fucking far into the new year. i can't believe that in a month and a week i'll know for sure that i'll be packing up and leaving -- that my life will drastically change.

i can't believe i've hung out with this boy every day for the past month. i can't believe i'm stupid enough to let him get under my skin and become attached to him, knowing that i'm leaving.

i haven't wanted to write about him because i'm scared he'll go away and then i'll have physical proof that he meant something to me. i can't be stupid though -- i know he's not going anywhere. it's been so long since i've known that about someone and still been interested.

and as goofy as we both are, what we are sharing is one of the more mature relationships i've been in. we share everything from smiles to money to meals and tons of time together. when i'm not with him we speak on the phone -- sometimes just for plans but the nights i don't stay there we hold long conversations, and mostly meaningful ones at that. his friends run into my at school and give me hugs hello. i have an open invitation to his house, and am told not to even knock. his roommates are okay with this.

we have been acquainted for years and he's always had the best reputation for being wonderfully kind to people. i don't know a single person with a bad thing to say about him. in fact, upon being publically seen with him, i was bombarded with praise of him from both his friends and mine.

and when people ask him about us, he says, "i like her a lot. she's moving, though, you know?"

and i am. i am moving. i will not change my plans for anyone as this is something i have decided to do for myself.

and everything inside of me wants to tell him to try it with me while i'm there, even though that wasn't in the original plan. but i cannot. i cannot as it has only been four weeks and i don't know what the future holds for us.

but why does it feel so safe right now?

before | after

miss me?

make a difference - July 12, 2007
in short - February 20, 2007
gameday - October 14, 2006
quickie - October 02, 2006
roxie bear - July 06, 2006