i'm naked inside my fear

September 19, 2005 | 2:42 pm
oh, i know i need to write more. even when i write frequently i don't write much.

a lot has been happening here lately. inside and outside of myself. it's been difficult to choose a point to focus on, so it's all been a little bit blurry.

obviously the hurricane is still impacting us in the hugest ways. new orleans is opening for residents to check their homes. they cannot stay, of course, but they can attempt to salvage things. my friends in chalmette are dealing with the murphey oil spill -- on top of having their homes submerged in toxic water for two weeks, they now have oil all over their property. it's at the point that i cannot even begin to comprehend the severity of it all. i just touch on it and get emotional every so often.

i have been distracted from ryan here and there but things come back to him. i feel like i am cheating on him right now, which is weird, and it makes me pretty unhappy. part of being single again means going out with friends and acting stupid, and i have done too much of that lately. it's hard to be optimistic when a hangover dictates your morning and early afternoon. three times in the past three weeks i have stayed out part 4:30am and i am just exhausted all of the time. i need to slow down and worry about school and me and fuck the rest of it. i just get so lonely since a big part of me is missing, but i cannot continue to fill it with these unhealthy things!

easier said than done, by the way.

i am moving into my old apartment complex on wednesday. it's two down from where i used to live. i'm happy for the independence again but unhappy about having to move in the middle of the week with so much school stuff going on. i feel like i am already behind in school and i don't like it one bit! this semester will be a busy one, but i don't think my classes will be all that challenging. except for statistics. which is going to be hard.

that's about all i can get out now. maybe more later.

before | after