i'm naked inside my fear

August 22, 2004 | 06:09 pm
Yesterday was a bad day. I brought my car to the shop and it broke down four or five times on the way. I finally got it there and when they called me back, they told me my transmission needed to be rebuilt and it would cost me anywhere between 1500 to 2000 and they�d call me on Monday to give me a proper estimate.

wow. that�s a bunch of money I don�t have, you know? so I freaked out.

it was bad. the first thing I wanted to do was check myself into a hospital. I didn�t think I could make it alone. ryan was at work and I couldn�t get in touch with my mom and jeff to tell them what the car place said.

finally my mom called me back and I told her about it. she told me she would get a loan and I could pay that back when I could. she promised me it would be okay. I had a hard time believing it, but it did help knowing that we would come up with the money and I wouldn�t just be shit out of luck.

when I finally talked to ryan I wanted him to come so badly. I knew it wouldn�t be good for him, though, so when he finally said he would come I told him not to. besides, I can�t see him every time I have a bad day.

this was a really bad day, though. it could have been justified.

anyway, I finally fell asleep and woke up this morning feeling much better (but still not great). I slept most of the day and watched Pretty Woman. sometime in the middle of the movie, jeff called and left a message saying he needed to talk to me about the car. when I called him back, he said they were on their way here from ft worth, tx (visiting my brother and sister) to bring me jeff�s car. I�d be driving that until my car was out of the shop. jeff said they were going to stay the night and talk to the people at the shop in the morning.

I�m so relieved. I know I still have to pay for the car, you know, and that�s going to be tough. I was really worried about losing my job and other basic things, like groceries and such. I can get to school via the trolley system, but I couldn�t get much of anywhere else. things are looking up. everything that could have gone wrong already has, so maybe it�s all over with.

I just have to work through the pieces.

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