i'm naked inside my fear
the naked truth.


February 16, 2005 | 10:26 pm
as i was leaving school Monday, i pulled out behind a sorority girl in some sort of sporty car. i looked at my own car -- a 97 4-dr accord -- and wished that i hadn't had to choose something to practical. i bought it used right before i graduated high school and paid for it in full. it used to make me very happy that i had a car that was mine -- one that was paid in full and nice enough to have a comfortable drive from a to b. now, as i drove behind ms. chi o i wished i could have afforded something nicer, and suddenly i did not like what i had so much. my air conditioning is going out and it was 85 degrees out. i felt sorry for myself.
as i was driving down the road, i got stuck behind this slow saturn. i slowed down some and realized it was recently purchased, but the ceiling was falling down. inside, i saw a mother with one hand on the wheel and the other on her son's head in the front seat, and i saw another child in the back seat. we came to a stop and i realized then that the windows of the saturn were down, and in that heat, that probably meant that the air conditioning was not functioning.
i felt a wave of sadness, but not for the mother in the car and not because i wasn't driving a sporty cute car like ms. chi o. i felt so selfish and wrong and materialistic and ungrateful for the things that i have in my life.
and when i got to my destination, i broke down and cried.

before | after

miss me?

make a difference - July 12, 2007
in short - February 20, 2007
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quickie - October 02, 2006
roxie bear - July 06, 2006