i'm naked inside my fear
the naked truth.


May 02, 2004 | 2:38 am
of course i decided i would go out with susan and joe tonight.

because, of course, it was susan and kathie and i at first. and of course, kathie backed out because she "didn't have the money"

can you argue with that one??

and i didn't drink too much; i drank a mandrin cosmopolitan and one of marazzil's signature drinks and then a shot of red headed slut (i ran into an old friend and didn't know what else to order) and a mandrin madris and a crown and diet coke.

and of course i went to see ryan, because my night is not complete without seeing his beautiful face.

(he was at work.)

and of course i took a shot there, which i did not order. a shot of patron, which he did not serve me. a shot the guy who ownes the bar ordered for me, because, of course i would not have ordered it myself.

oh yeah, and the shot of stoli i took there too. i guess that counts.

and OF COURSE i wanted to drive home, to my safe haven, for no particular reason. and you know, i got here and realized i'd eaten nothing but crawfish and some potatoes and a cookie and some brownie for lunch, and then a piece of bread for dinner with a little bit of olive oil, and i think (of course), i'm not hungry, but you know, i should eat something, so i don't wake up feeling terrible. i should eat something so i don't throw up just liquid. i should eat something so i can function.

so i made a turkey sandwich on 9 grain bread and i put a lot of lettuce and some spicey turkey and some fat free italian dressing.

and, of course, i'll throw it up in just a minute. of course. that's what i do, right?

and of course i can't make myself understand that what i ate won't kill me and i consumed more calories drinking that i could have possibly put into the sandwich.

but i'm an idiot.

and of course, this has taken me a ridiculous amout of time to type and edit and go back and fix typos along the way and oh god why the fuck am i so obsessed with this stuff even when i'm drunk and does it ever not consume 80% of my life???

and, of course, the answer is... no.

before | after

miss me?

make a difference - July 12, 2007
in short - February 20, 2007
gameday - October 14, 2006
quickie - October 02, 2006
roxie bear - July 06, 2006