i'm naked inside my fear

March 02, 2004 | 9:50 am
sometimes i just have to push back my nasty thoughts and remember even though i feel so weak i am paralzed, if i wasn't a strong person i wouldn't have made it this far.

and i know that my issues with weight and ryan are just a cover-up of what's really going on.

i've decided i'm living in a transcrisis state - after not dealing with the things that have happened in my life in the past, i have developed a predisposition to crisis at any stressful time.

meaning: because i didn't go about doing things the right (but harder) way the first time around, everytime something stressful happens, i shift back into that crisis state.

surprise, surprise. this is nothing new to me. these are things i know, and i have known for quite a while, but saying them is a whole new thing.

i have many more things to say before i move on with my life.

as dr. spears wrote to me in his email response, and as i have heard more than once, when the student is ready, the teacher appears.

i just need to find the strength to do this one day at a time. otherwise, i'm afraid i'll collapse.

before | after